Personally I am a very short tempered person. Who better than Vidhi, my wife can speak volumes about this trait that I possess. She has been an easy victim of this, sorry dear!
But thinking of anger, let us try to analyse why people get angry or lose temper, why two different people under the same situation would behave differently, and why the same person under a similar situation at a different time behave differently.
Two common statements that I have heard from people are:
1. I have an angry mind.
2. "X" made me angry. This X can be person or his/her behaviour, things, situations, government, god, fate anything.
Analysing further –
1. Angry mind? How can a mind be angry? Mind is a non living thing. It does not have any emotions. It cannot take decision on its own. Then, how can a mind decide to get angry? Mind is a beautiful thing (if used rightly). It can store millions of things which the very best of today’s computers fail to. Mind can be so creative. It helps you do what you want and it also helps vent your anger. This does not mean that you have an angry mind. Mind does what you command it to do. If you tell your mind to love, it helps you to express your love. If you tell your mind to hate, it helps you express hatred. If you tell your mind to be angry, it helps you to express anger. But, this does not mean you have an angry mind.
2. “X” made me angry? Does “X” possess so much power to control you and your emotions? If so, can’t “X” control you on every other instance? Why do you get angry under a particular circumstance only sometimes and not always? Probably the “X” factor is not to be blamed.
These kinds of statements are used because they act as protectors of our ego. When we say ‘I got angry because I have an angry mind’ or ‘I got angry because “X” made me angry’, subconsciously we are infact saying ‘I am different from my mind’ or ‘I am good but my mind is bad’ or ‘It is not my fault but my minds’ that I get angry’ or ‘I am good and so my actions are justified and I will continue doing it’ or ‘ “X” did this and hence I got angry’ or ‘If “X” had not done this/if “X” were like this I would not be angry’. So, now your ego says its not you but “X” that makes your angry. But, “X” is independent of doing/saying things just as independent as you are to do the same. When this “X” does not get angry why you should?
Since old habits die hard, we play the blame game instead of accepting responsibility.
So, such statements aids in claiming no responsibility and we will remain ignorant of all the wrong we do. Sometimes, when we accept responsibility and agree not to repeat some wrong doing, deep down we mean ‘I did this because you did it and if you repeat this whole thing repeats’. Apology thus sounds like a sweet threat said in loving words.
Digging dipper, I think main causes that makes a person angry:
1. Believes and expectations within him.
Every person has a belief, that things should happen this way only, or this is the correct way (according to him) that things should happen. So if things don't go his / her way or the way he/she thinks should go that's what makes him/her angry.
Every time when I analyse/evaluate the root cause or the reason I got angry, it always comes down to my belief and unfulfilled expectation.
